Sunday Service

Dear Daddy,

I went to church today for the first time since you left earth. It was.... a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I stood up and looked at the sky and sang praises to the King, and all I could think about was how you were up there now too. I kept thinking about each song we were singing and if you would approve of the theology of each song or if you would think the chord progression was drab. Of course, I thought about how, for once, I was doing the exact same thing that you were doing. Just praising Jesus.

It was hard because every person in that church just reminds me of you. All the old people from Neighborhood you used to rub elbows with. And all the "kids" from Simpson who are now the pastors. T.K. spoke today all about hard times. He preached from John 16:33. All about hard times and how we all go through them. But as he spoke his end point, his voice cracked. He talked all about how Jesus had overcome the world and all of the bad things in it. I stood up for prayer when he called for it. I hate doing that. Everyone looks at you. And, of course, Tim stood up with me to sort of be my support and all I kept thinking was how people probably thought out marriage was in trouble or something. Still, feeling all those hands on my shoulder, my back, my arms. Hearing all those prayers just felt.. well like I was supported.

Afterwards T.K. came up to me with tears welled in his eyes. He said he couldn't even look at me that whole time. I could tell that he really cared about you daddy. Like A LOT.

I never thought about how hard going to church would be. I guess because I address heaven when I go there, and you're in heaven. Sometimes I just want him to tell you I said hi. It's easier not to go, not to open up that part of myself. It's easier to address God from the quiet of my livingroom, where there are plenty of tissues handy and I don't have to greet my neighbor right after I've had a good cry.

Are you still wearing your 3 piece suits in heaven daddy?

We'll talk again soon...
Love, Me.